i dont just think alot and worry. sometimes i contemplate. and ive been flashing back on the hard times that followed after i left school. times where it occured to me that having papers and no experience makes you a nobody in the eyes of employers. some of my fellow mates, too went through the same thing. stupidly and angrily wondering why we weren't put through any kind of internship. we're poly students. poly and no attachment? doesnt sound right does it?

the worst thing is my clueless nature. i felt really lost. i hated myself. i hated everything. although i could just take things easy and think that my dad could still support me, i was too eager to be independent and start making it on my own.

then i went out on tedious but clueless jobhunts and sent out uncountable resumes. the big mistake was, i had no ambition. i just wanted to work and earn money. that was a mistake i will never make again and wished i had never made. but i learned my lesson, the hard way. not knowing your directions doesnt lead you anywhere and you dont benefit from the journey.

i was single, clueless and lost then. all by myself out in the big bad world where no one is there to protect you or tell u whats the right thing to do. at the tender and naive age of nineteen...

nine months after i left school, i quit my second wrong job. then i knew what i wanted. i quit being clueless. i had a direction. i will risk no detours now. life definitely got better for me. im four months with my man, my shelter, my only love. i felt whole and in control. i felt i could even go through hardship and didnt have to worry coz i have someone to comfort me at the end of the day. i felt i could achieve. i had confidence in myself.

i couldnt resist blogging about this topic this morning but now i really have to go...to work!